On Friday, I got into an argument with my mother. By the end of it, I knew that I hurt her feelings, but I chose not to apologize. I didn't feel like it. I always apologize. Me being me, I decided to leave well enough alone for once. Don't get me wrong; when my mother hurts, I hurt. When she is in pain, so am I. I never intentionally go out of my way to hurt anyone, but it happens. We all go through difficult times and therefore can be difficult in the process. An insensitive remark carries weight and goes a long way. Will my mother and I get through this and move on, of course we will. We are a strong family and would never let hurt feelings damage the relationship. I do have issues, but there is nothing I can't forgive her for and I am sure she feels the same way.
Just the same, I hate hurting someones feelings. Even if I can't stand the person, I would rather avoid them than to have a blown out of proportion confrontation. It's not about being a punk, I'm just not built that way. The thing is, hurting someone, even if it's someone you care about, can't be avoided. They have feelings, but you do too. There's but so much you can take as you continue to feel slighted. How much do you let roll off your back before you flip?
My patience continues to grow thin as I get older. What I was willing to overlook as a younger man, I now can't help but roll my eyes at and speak on. I feel a rage building up within me and I forget, or really don't care about someones feelings. Did they care about mine as they did me wrong? Did they stop and think that maybe I cry and bleed like everyone else? Does it matter?
I'll be the first to admit that we are living on the edge as a society. We continue to self-medicate our issues using superficial means. We never really get to the heart of what's wrong. We're too proud to admit things bother us; everything is just fine or will be. From fragile relationships we can barely hold together to worries about surviving the economic plague that has infiltrated our society, is it any wonder that we're capable of losing it? We're looking for salvation which is in short supply. How are we supposed to manage? That's a question that I guess I will continue to struggle with as I look for answers.
