Yes, I’ll admit it; I am overweight. There is no getting around it; I do have a weight problem. I always have been and probably always will be overweight. As long as I can remember, I have always struggled with my weight, especially over the last few years. I have gained more than my fair share of weight, which I am not proud of, but it is worth mentioning. At times it has held me back. It has kept me from being as outgoing as I can be, suffering in silence as I watch other people have a good time and wondering why that isn’t me. At times my weight has forced me to be over the top in order to be noticed; the comedian in me takes over, reducing me to play the part of the clown prince. I still feel empty because I have nothing to show for it. Relationships feel like they are becoming harder and harder to navigate as I get older and put on more weight. I feel that I sometimes settle for relationships, both platonic as well as romantic, out of fear that I may end up growing old and lonely, which is one of my biggest fears. Being overweight doesn’t leave me with options. I feel forced to take whatever comes along, whenever it comes along. It’s like a homeless dog getting tossed a bone when they’ve been starving for so long. Thank goodness he got tossed the bone or he would have nothing. Every once in a while I wish when I got tossed a bone that it would have a little meat on it.
Yet, no one takes time to sympathize with what I am going through. I certainly didn’t ask to be fat. I didn’t ask for the burden of such a life altering addiction. At my core I am as human as the next person, only no one takes the time to find that out. I always feel that I am being kept at arm’s length from people; I fear that I won’t be accepted because I’m this way so I try not to form any real attachments to anyone. They will leave me eventually. And since I am not as flashy or trendy as someone more colorful than me no one bothers to get past my barrier. It is so easy for someone who doesn’t even know me to tell me I should lose weight without thinking twice about it. God forbid I decide to have a second helping of food, especially when I’m at an event or at an all you can eat buffet; the looks on everybody’s faces tells the story. It’s as if I’m crazy for lifting more one spoonful of whatever it is I am eating to my mouth. Shame on me! This is what I endure as an obese man in today’s world.
Meanwhile an obese woman has it different. An obese woman has more support from family and friends. She is told to love herself and to appreciate what she has to offer as a human being. If someone can’t love her for who she is than it’s their loss not hers. A woman who struggles with her weight usually dates men who come in all shapes and sizes; she has all kinds of admirers. She doesn’t have to settle if she doesn’t want to. She is regarded as big and beautiful. She is loved and cherished; she does not suffer from being ostracized. Everyone goes out of their way to make sure she gets pasts her doubts and insecurities. Her hand is held as she is told everything will be just fine.
My question is why the double standard. Why don’t I have a support system in place like that? Weight aside, I don’t think I am so bad looking. I have a good personality yet, I am alone more often than not. I can be a good friend if only someone lets me be one. No one tells me how handsome I am, there is no sympathetic arm around my shoulders to comfort me and make me feel good. Who in the Hell goes out of their way to reassure me? Just once I would like to be told everything is going to be alright, just once.
You know what really gets me is how easily we forget. A lot of heavy women will not even give me the time of day because they think they can do so much better. Really? Really? That’s when I have to scratch my head and say what the hell? A few years ago I met a young woman who I was really attracted to both physically and emotionally. I thought the feeling was mutual. Yes, I was overweight then too, but she was on the heavy side herself. I don’t discriminate. I didn’t think my weight would matter to her. I thought that under the right circumstances we could have had a long term relationship. Then one evening out together she says we have to talk. She was honest enough to say that she was concerned about my weight. She admitted that she was developing strong feelings for me. He fear was that one day I would have a heart attack and die unexpectedly, leaving her alone. She couldn’t bear the thought of that happening.
Understandably, I was upset about how that ended. More importantly what was more upsetting was why it happened. If I had made a big deal out of her health issues I would be the bad guy. Since my feelings were hurt it was ok right? No, not really. At the end of the day I need to be loved and accepted just like all human beings do. What’s good for her should be good for me too. An overweight man should be put on the same pedestal as an overweight woman and given the same kind of support and love. We’re both struggling with addiction, self-esteem, loneliness and other kinds of issues. Where’s the love?
I have to say, you were very brave to post this. I applaud your courage. Having said that, I must disagree with you. Since weight is a definite issue for me, I feel I have some expertise in this arena. I always felt a double standard. I felt and still do that men have it easier. I feel men have a longer way to go before we get on them about their weight, women, not so much. Other women judge us harshly. When you see a heavy man with a slim women on his arm, its acceptable. But vice versa, not so much. At the moment, the only example I can think of are rap videos. Ever see a "big and beautiful" girl in those?? But there are plenty of heavy rappers...something to think about.
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