Hurt Feelings

On Friday, I got into an argument with my mother. By the end of it, I knew that I hurt her feelings, but I chose not to apologize. I didn't feel like it. I always apologize. Me being me, I decided to leave well enough alone for once. Don't get me wrong; when my mother hurts, I hurt. When she is in pain, so am I. I never intentionally go out of my way to hurt anyone, but it happens. We all go through difficult times and therefore can be difficult in the process. An insensitive remark carries weight and goes a long way. Will my mother and I get through this and move on, of course we will. We are a strong family and would never let hurt feelings damage the relationship. I do have issues, but there is nothing I can't forgive her for and I am sure she feels the same way.

Just the same, I hate hurting someones feelings. Even if I can't stand the person, I would rather avoid them than to have a blown out of proportion confrontation. It's not about being a punk, I'm just not built that way. The thing is, hurting someone, even if it's someone you care about, can't be avoided. They have feelings, but you do too. There's but so much you can take as you continue to feel slighted. How much do you let roll off your back before you flip? 

My patience continues to grow thin as I get older. What I was willing to overlook as a younger man, I now can't help but roll my eyes at and speak on. I feel a rage building up within me and I forget, or really don't care about someones feelings. Did they care about mine as they did me wrong? Did they stop and think that maybe I cry and bleed like everyone else? Does it matter?

I'll be the first to admit that we are living on the edge as a society. We continue to self-medicate our issues using superficial means. We never really get to the heart of what's wrong. We're too proud to admit things bother us; everything is just fine or will be. From fragile relationships we can barely hold together to worries about surviving the economic plague that has infiltrated our society, is it any wonder that we're capable of losing it? We're looking for salvation which is in short supply. How are we supposed to manage? That's a question that I guess I will continue to struggle with as I look for answers.



 

Legends Lost

We lost two pioneers in a space of two days, rap superstar Heavy D and boxing great Joe Frazier. Just the other day I heard Frazier had cancer, and now he's gone. Wow, just like that. Heavy D comes as a complete shock for me and I 'm sure many others. There was nothing to suggest that anything was wrong with D. Well there was nothing in the news to my knowledge anyway. Regardless, we are all at a loss. As I stated earlier, both were pioneers and contributed so much to their professions. Both also conducted themselves as gentlemen and gave those of us in the Black community role models to pattern ourselves after and be proud of.

I liked Heavy D. As an overweight kid growing up in the 80's, there were not many positive role models outside the home for me to identify with. Then Heavy came along. He could rap, he knew how to dress and the ladies loved him. Perfect. He gave me hope instead of letting me wallow in despair.

"Smokin" Joe was in a class by himself. A great boxer who will always be remembered for his trilogy of  battles with the legendary Muhammad Ali. Joe possessed a quiet dignity. At some point I am going to take a look at Frazier vs. Ali and add my own two cents. For now all I will say is that Frazier deserved better from Ali and the rest of the Black community.

Dwight "Heavy D" Myers and Joe Frazier, my brothers, you can rest in peace knowing that you were both a class act. We will miss and love you. Peace.

Dating During the Recession

As I mentioned in my previous article, I had lunch with one of my co-workers this past Friday in order to catch up. We ended up talking about a number of topics. Although she briefly touched on this one, I have been thinking about it ever since and wanted to talk about it.

I've decided to get back into the dating game. It's been too long since I went out with someone and feel that I am at least ready to throw my hat into the dating arena once again. However, this year is 2011 and although I have a job, there is a recession to consider. I am single with no children, so that isn't an issue. I am not debt ridden, so that isn't an issue either. I am responsible for rent, cable, groceries, and a few other bills. Who isn't? And the dollar does not go as far as it use to. Can dating be factored in without sending me spiraling financially?  Good question.

I am old school. I always have been and always will be. What I mean is that whenever I would go out on a date with a woman in the past, at least in the beginning I would always pay for everything. I never did any half stepping. I always subscribed to the idea that the man pays for everything, and I do mean everything. I'm not saying that I spent money that I didn't have, but I just took care of everything. That's how I was raised.

It is now 2011 and like I stated earlier the dollar doesn't go as far as it use to. Times keep changing. Now I have some decisions to make if I am really serious about dating. I don't have a problem spending money, however prices keep going up. Dining out is expensive. Hell, even going to the movies is more expensive than ever; the menu at your typical Manhattan movie theater looks like something out of a fast food joint. They no longer sell just beverages, hot dogs, popcorn and candy, but chicken fingers among other items that I can't recall at the moment. You could spend a fortune just at the movies on "snacks" alone. Then after the movies there is still the rest of the evening to consider. What if my date is hungry or wants to go to a bar for drinks, or do both? At the end of the evening I would be out a significant amount of money; and this is just the first date! There is no guarantee that there would be a second date.

Maybe I am exaggerating. The first date doesn't have to consist of those activities, but understand money will be spent. Yes, I live in New York City, so I can find plenty to do that's not so expensive or rather "cheap." But how long can I get away with that? My date might think I am cheap which might be a turn off. Her tastes may be different. My date will certainly have interests that she would like to share with me. Am I suppose to expect her to pay for something when it interests her?

Don't even get me started when it comes to subscribing to dating websites. That is an investment in itself. Subscribing to sites like E-Harmony, and Match.com doesn't come cheap. Dating doesn't come cheap period. Maybe I should rethink the whole dating thing.

Letting Go

Yesterday I had lunch with one of my co-workers from another office, who I get together with every so often to just catch up. During lunch, we had the opportunity to discuss a number of topics. One that really resonated with me was the idea that a lot of us have trouble letting our guard or barriers down when it comes to meeting people. I don't mean dating, but relationships in general.

Its only natural to have a wall up when it comes to interacting with others. I don't know or trust you so why do I want to get to know you?  Trust has to be earned, connections have to be made. But how can these things happen if you don't have an open mind? How can we truly get to know each other if we refuse to let go of the barriers that keep getting in the way?

My co-worker pointed out to me that during her first year on the job she did not have lunch with anyone outside of her office. Everyone she came in contact with had their walls up. I found that difficult to believe because she is warm and personable with a great smile and wonderful sense of humor. Why would it be so difficult, for her of all people, to get to know anyone outside her office? Barriers, I tell you, them damn barriers!

Well, it doesn't matter how friendly you are if the person you're trying to be friendly with doesn't meet you half way. It really does take two, more often than not. Why should life be so difficult? We're human beings meant to interact and get together and work and live together. I believe that was intended. You have nothing to gain except loneliness if you decide to keep the walls up. We need each other to survive. Is it fear that keeps us from letting go of our barriers? If the answer is yes, than why? What in the world is there to be afraid of when someone extends a hand in friendship?

Maybe we're afraid to let go because it would make us feel vulnerable. Letting someone in means taking a chance and letting go of preconceived fears that we have held on to for so long; opening up about who you are is risky, if that's not your style. It means you get to see the real person. What if it turns out that you don't like the real person. How does that person feel? But that's just it; chances need to be taken. We need to lighten up. I'm not saying we need to be the best of friends, I'm saying that we should leave the door open to friendliness

I know that it is easier said than done. I myself can be shy. I can also be outgoing when I want, but it all depends on the circumstances. It can be difficult breaking free of the shyness. There have been times when I wished that  someone would have taken the time out to try to get past the wall that I have up. It would have made me less apprehensive and put me at ease.

Reaching out only to be rejected is frustrating too. Again, it takes two to make it work. How many walls do I have to climb in order to get to know someone really?

I have another co-worker that I have known for several years. At first there was a little bumpiness in the road to becoming better co-workers, but we have gotten past that. We have never made plans to get together outside of work, but we have ended up at the same job related events. A couple of times we hung out after the events were over and just talked. Nothing was planned. To my surprise, these conversations were deep and substantial. They were totally unexpected, but welcome nevertheless. The kind of exchange that good friends are suppose to have. I walked away wondering why is it our working relationship never developed into an actual friendship. We get along, we have some of the same friends, yet we're still just co-workers. I'm actually pleased when I see him so whats the problem? Many times I've wanted to bring this issue up and have a conversation with him about this. However, for all I know, he may like things just the way they are, a work relationship. I can't help but feel that we have the potential for a real friendship, but that's me. Should I pursue the issue? Fear of rejection keeps me from saying anything, while I can only guess why his wall is up. Every time I see him I want to talk about this, but ask myself do I really want to have that discussion?

I think we need to let our guards down a little. I personally am going to try and be more outgoing and friendly and get to know people. Since I took the time to write this piece, I should live by example. It may widen my circle of friends, or not. Not everyone is open to this idea, so I have my work cut out for me. I'll revisit this and let you know how it goes.

Society As A Whole

Someone extremely close to me is unemployed right now. She has been unemployed for over a year, a year that has proven to be most difficult. I have seen her go through some ups and downs since losing her job, and pray that things turn around for her. The thing is she is already in her late fifties, with no real job skills. No one is willing to invest in somebody her age without any marketable skills. Even if she had the skills, she would probably fall into the category of being over qualified and still not get the good job she wanted; a job that could give her back her self-esteem and independence. Meanwhile the bill collectors keep calling as she falls behind on her payments. Why should they care, they have a job, they're just doing it. She has amassed a serious debt that will take a long time to get rid of, if at all. Her unemployment benefits which doesn't amount to much after taxes, are about to run out within the next few weeks. According to the government, she makes gets too much money in unemployment to qualify for assistance, like medical and food stamps. She doesn't have much of a savings to live on once the unemployment runs out. She suffers from a number of health issues and is struggling with depression. She is left wondering what now? Where is her place in the world? Somehow, despite all of this, she is supposed to have faith that everything will be just fine. She will not be given more than she can handle. That is bullshit! She has been given her fair share and more than a lot of people could handle right now.

So what does she do when her unemployment runs out? Does she have to be at her worse, hit rock bottom in order to get any kind of break? Why doesn't she qualify for services? Believe me when I say her check, after its all said and done, ain't shit! You work your whole life and for what? To walk away from a job you hated with a pittance of a check that doesn't even cover half of your rent, not to mention food, and the basic necessities of life.  

This is just one person's story. Never mind about the countless others in the same boat or worse. How many others are going through what she is going through; how many are at the end of their rope trying to hang on. At least she has a family that can offer some kind of support. What about whole families that are suffering as they endure poverty? What do they do? The only reason I am even writing this is because it hits so close to home. As people go, we have become desensitized when it comes to the fate of our fellow man. We can put our heads down or look the other way without thinking twice when a complete stranger on the train ride home announces that they are homeless and needs spare change just to get a meal. It is more of an inconvenience than anything esle. Maybe it is a shame, but what does that have to do with me. Have you taken a real hard look at some of these people? They could be a cousin or friend, or former co-worker or classmate who has fallen on hard times. If it doesn't effect us directly we look the other way. As long as I have a roof over my head and a place to stay, I am cool. As long as I can pay my bills, I am not concerned about my neighbors plight. As long as I can eat I could care less about someone starving. An oversimplification but something to think about. We're all suffering in our own way. Those of us lucky to even have a job, are living from check to check because our rents are so damn high, not to mention other bills that we carry have to be paid too.

When did we as a society become so desensitized? How did it happen? Dosen't anything matter anymore? Over the last few years we've seen natural disasters like Hurricane Katrina wreck havoc on New Orleans, an earthquake nearly destroy Haiti, as well as one that has brought Japan to its knees. This is just off the top of my head. There have been others that have occured as well. Initially, when those events happened,we were heavily saturated with media coverage. Now here we are months and in some cases years removed from these things and its as if they didn't happen. Has anyone kept up with the status of those places today? Yeah, those things happened, but as usual life goes on.  

What now? There is no immediate answer. At least I don't have answer. All you can do is rely on whatever it is you believe in order to endure. I wish I could write a happy ending. More importantly, I wish I could tell you that the person who I spoke about in the beginning of this article has seen her life change for the better, but I can't. She will have to continue to endure.  

I will not sit here and lecture, because I am no better. I'm always looking the other way when I feel that things don't directly affect me. The same thing can be said about society as a whole. If society continues to look the other way, then what? Think about it.

Happy Birthday to Me

Happy birthday to me! Yes, it really is my birthday, no lie. Birthdays seem to come by faster and faster each year, without remorse. It seems like yesterday I just turned eighteen and was supposed to have my whole life ahead of me. I thought for sure that my life would have turned out differently than it actually has. There was hope, optimism and excitement when I think about how I was at eighteen. I became an adult and could do just about anything I wanted to do, or so I thought. I was scared, but ready for anything. I think we all felt the same way at that age. Why not? It is an exciting time if you let it be. I laugh now when I think about how naive I was.

Fast forward to a number of years later and I wonder what the Hell happened to that eighteen year old kid. At what point did he turn into me? What happened to taking chances and taking life as it came? What happened to all my dreams and hopes for the future? In other words, where did I go wrong? The truth is I didn’t go wrong; I made choices like everyone else has. Some were good, some were bad, some too painful to talk about, but they were my choices to make, and I consider myself lucky to have had the chance to make them. That’s a part of the growing up process. There is no book that can accurately tell you how to live your own life, I don’t care what Oprah says. It is easy to look back and wonder what if, trust me, I know. But my life isn’t a horror story either. At least I am not Precious, with a frying pan upside my head. It’s a life that I have lived to the best of my abilities. At my core I am a decent person, prone to the same ills all mankind are. I can be moody, envious, petty and cruel. I can be kind, loving, and thoughtful. I can be sarcastic and witty or downright nasty like a Motherfucker. There are many facets to my personality that I will not apologize for. Basically, I am what I am. Period!

I think at some point we all have to come to terms with where we are in life and who we are in life instead of letting our birth date get the best of us. I may never be what I wanted to be at eighteen, but I realize I don’t have to be. I am older, by a significant number of years, so my priorities have changed. I have responsibilities that I never thought I would have. I am a man. I am an adult. My outlook is different. I can laugh at myself more now than ever before. I’m more comfortable with who I am. I am who I am because of the experiences I had.

Birthdays always seem to send us spiraling, especially when we hit milestones like twenty-one, thirty, forty, fifty, etc. We consider the paths we never chose and the what ifs of it all. The truth is, we are where we are for a reason. It’s that simple. There is no going back, no matter how hard you try. I honestly thought I would have been married by now, with at least two kids. That isn’t the case at all; there are no wife and kids to speak of.  I don’t think I will ever even have children, which I seem to be comfortable with. I would like to have a relationship with someone who I can grow old with, a partner. When I say partner I mean a female companion, who may not want to get married, but is willing to take me as I am as I take her for who she is.

Life isn’t over because you didn’t achieve something by the time you’re thirty or forty. Life is now and will be until the day you die at whatever age that is. A birthday shouldn’t dictate that next step or be a reminder of shortcomings. It is not a lamination. Its a celebration. Another  birthday means a chance to age gracefully, like a fine wine.So live, love and stop trippin’. I think you’ll be just fine. Happy Birthday! 

The Double Standard

Yes, I’ll admit it; I am overweight. There is no getting around it; I do have a weight problem. I always have been and probably always will be overweight. As long as I can remember, I have always struggled with my weight, especially over the last few years. I have gained more than my fair share of weight, which I am not proud of, but it is worth mentioning. At times it has held me back. It has kept me from being as outgoing as I can be, suffering in silence as I watch other people have a good time and wondering why that isn’t me. At times my weight has forced me to be over the top in order to be noticed; the comedian in me takes over, reducing me to play the part of the clown prince. I still feel empty because I have nothing to show for it. Relationships feel like they are becoming harder and harder to navigate as I get older and put on more weight. I feel that I sometimes settle for relationships, both platonic as well as romantic, out of fear that I may end up growing old and lonely, which is one of my biggest fears. Being overweight doesn’t leave me with options. I feel forced to take whatever comes along, whenever it comes along. It’s like a homeless dog getting tossed a bone when they’ve been starving for so long. Thank goodness he got tossed the bone or he would have nothing. Every once in a while I wish when I got tossed a bone that it would have a little meat on it.

Yet, no one takes time to sympathize with what I am going through. I certainly didn’t ask to be fat. I didn’t ask for the burden of such a life altering addiction. At my core I am as human as the next person, only no one takes the time to find that out. I always feel that I am being kept at arm’s length from people; I fear that I won’t be accepted because I’m this way so I try not to form any real attachments to anyone. They will leave me eventually. And since I am not as flashy or trendy as someone more colorful than me no one bothers to get past my barrier. It is so easy for someone who doesn’t even know me to tell me I should lose weight without thinking twice about it. God forbid I decide to have a second helping of food, especially when I’m at an event or at an all you can eat buffet; the looks on everybody’s faces tells the story. It’s as if I’m crazy for lifting more one spoonful of whatever it is I am eating to my mouth. Shame on me! This is what I endure as an obese man in today’s world.

Meanwhile an obese woman has it different. An obese woman has more support from family and friends. She is told to love herself and to appreciate what she has to offer as a human being. If someone can’t love her for who she is than it’s their loss not hers. A woman who struggles with her weight usually dates men who come in all shapes and sizes; she has all kinds of admirers. She doesn’t have to settle if she doesn’t want to. She is regarded as big and beautiful. She is loved and cherished; she does not suffer from being ostracized. Everyone goes out of their way to make sure she gets pasts her doubts and insecurities. Her hand is held as she is told everything will be just fine.

My question is why the double standard. Why don’t I have a support system in place like that? Weight aside, I don’t think I am so bad looking. I have a good personality yet, I am alone more often than not. I can be a good friend if only someone lets me be one. No one tells me how handsome I am, there is no sympathetic arm around my shoulders to comfort me and make me feel good. Who in the Hell goes out of their way to reassure me? Just once I would like to be told everything is going to be alright, just once.

You know what really gets me is how easily we forget. A lot of heavy women will not even give me the time of day because they think they can do so much better. Really? Really? That’s when I have to scratch my head and say what the hell? A few years ago I met a young woman who I was really attracted to both physically and emotionally. I thought the feeling was mutual. Yes, I was overweight then too, but she was on the heavy side herself. I don’t discriminate. I didn’t think my weight would matter to her. I thought that under the right circumstances we could have had a long term relationship. Then one evening out together she says we have to talk. She was honest enough to say that she was concerned about my weight. She admitted that she was developing strong feelings for me. He fear was that one day I would have a heart attack and die unexpectedly, leaving her alone. She couldn’t bear the thought of that happening.

Understandably, I was upset about how that ended. More importantly what was more upsetting was why it happened. If I had made a big deal out of her health issues I would be the bad guy. Since my feelings were hurt it was ok right? No, not really. At the end of the day I need to be loved and accepted just like all human beings do. What’s good for her should be good for me too. An overweight man should be put on the same pedestal as an overweight woman and given the same kind of support and love. We’re both struggling with addiction, self-esteem, loneliness and other kinds of issues. Where’s the love?

Ultimate Spider-Man...Ultimate Progress

Last night I had the opportunity to sit back and read the 1^st issue of Ultimate Comics: Spider-Man introducing the new Spider-Man, Miles Morales. I won’t go into detail about the 1^st issue, although I will say that I walked away satisfied and will continue to read the book until that feeling goes away. If the 1^st issue is any indication of what’s to come, than this Spider-Man will have a legacy that die hard fans can be proud of and leave casual fans wanting more. Only time can tell.

What happens to be significant to me and what has made headlines is the fact that Miles is half African American and half Puerto Rican. Well, being that I am half African American and half Puerto Rican, all I have to say is that it’s about damn time! For years, although I am a comic book guy in my heart and soul, I have always wanted a hero who I could relate too. I wanted to see myself as the character. In many ways I was Peter Parker in my teenage years; the nerd nobody quite understood or made any effort to get to know. High school could be unpleasant to say the least. Although I could appreciate his angst to a certain point and empathized, we’re still from different worlds; Peter being Caucasian and me being a person of color. Hey, at least Parker got to be Spider-Man. All I could do is live vicariously through his adventures.

Offhand I can’t tell you how many superheroes of color there were for me to identify with growing up, because it feels like there weren’t that many. Even as I write this, the only ones that come to mind are DC Comics’ Black Lightning, Black Vulcan from the Super Friends television series and the Brown Hornet from Fat Albert and the Cosby Kids television series. Man, I almost forgot about the Black Panther and Power-Man. I am glad to see that there have been some progress made since I was a little kid; Static Shock, War Machine, Blade and countless others that I have probably missed the boat on.

Spider-Man is an iconic character, no matter if he is the ultimate version or the Spider-man that currently exists in the Marvel Universe. When everybody found out that Peter Parker was going to be killed off, despite the fact that it was the ultimate version, it got everyone’s attention. Then, when everybody found out that his successor would be a character of color everyone had something to say, both good and bad, as well as down the middle. I’ll admit even I questioned the change. I have followed this series since its debut in 2000. I liked this new take on Peter Parker, Aunt May, Mary Jane Watson and the rest of the Spider-Man cast of characters. When I heard about the possibility of Parker being killed I cringed. Would this be the end of the series as we know it? The new change brought about legitimate fears; would a new Spider-Man mean a dip in quality? This change is a sign of the times and shows progress. Does this mean that I want to see a Black Superman on the horizon? No, but would it hurt to promote an African American, Hispanic, or any other minority superhero the way Super-Man or Bat-Man has been over the years? If I were to compare the 1^st Blade movie to the 1^st Spider-Man movie, I would have to say that Blade was totally better. It blew Spider-Man out of the water. In fact I will go so far to say that Blade was the catalyst for how films, especially ones based on Marvel comic book characters should be handled. Just look at history and you will see what I mean. Yet for whatever reason the film gets overlooked or doesn’t have the same standing as the X-Men franchise, or the Spider-Man franchise.

The bottom line is that we should have an open mind regarding the new Spider-Man. And again I will hang in there as much as I possibly can; hopefully the storyline will continue to captivate us. Keep your fingers crossed true believers!    

Just Cut the Crap!

I hate pretense. Absolutely irritates the Hell out of me. The constant need to put on a show whenever possible; I see it all the time. Maybe I’m just picking at something insignificant, yet it bothers me just the same. I hate it when people walk around wherever they go and feel the need to bring a cup of coffee with them; this seems to be a recurring theme at the workplace. I can’t tell you how many times I have had someone give something to me with one hand, while with their other hand their holding some kind of Starbucks cup, ready to drink at a moment’s notice. Yet they don’t really drink the coffee. They just stand there and hold the cup like it’s a prop. I don’t even like the smell of coffee, so I am already irritated. Now I have to stand by and watch as the coffee cup sets the pace. Everything revolves around this prop; body language, mannerisms, how someone speaks, etc. It’s too much!

What does this mean? Does walking around with a cup of coffee enhance who you are? Does it make you cool? Is there a special privilege that I am unaware of? Honestly, I think it’s dumb. Maybe dumb is a harsh word; however there is no need for this ridiculous habit. I have had people come to me at my job from different departments, from different floors, with a cup of coffee in hand. Are we supposed to be sharing a moment together? Are we celebrating moments of our lives? Is it supposed to be a peace offering? Hey, I like chocolate milk, but you don’t see me carrying a container of it with me wherever I go. At least I would have the decency to take a sip, just so we can get past the suspense of whether or not I will take the plunge. Just to be annoying, or maybe just to start a trend I will carry around a container of chocolate milk, Nestles of course!

  

I’m ranting. I’m ranting over something that I can’t control, and really should just leave alone. Am I alone about the pretentiousness of the whole thing? I know I’m not. Deep down I’m sure there are those who feel the same way that I do. Join me when I say STOP THE MADNESS!!

What Now...

Nothing earth shattering but something to talk about none the less. I recently found out that one of my friends defriended me on Facebook. Honestly, it doesn't surprise me. She did try to reach out to me via Facebook messaging as well as actually call me at home. I came up short, I hate to admit. I never did answer her nor did I return her phone calls. I suppose I took her for granted, expecting that when I got ready I could pick up the phone at anytime I wanted and she would welcome me with open arms, without question. Well I never did get around to calling her, causing her to take matters into her own hands. Who knows how long its been since she defriended me; I can't answer that. I just happened to be on my Facebook page yesterday and I went through my friends list just out of curiosity. She was nowhere to be found. I went through my list one more time just to be sure, although if she wasn't there the first time what in the Hell makes me think she would be there the second time around. It was obvious she was gone. I admit I was annoyed; she had the audacity to defriend me? Really? Considering our history? Really? She must be out of her mind! Yeah, I know, a bit harsh, but still!

After finally getting the spelling of her name right I found her and decided to reach out to her. Although I did not ask her if she was out of her mind for what she did, I did call her on it, almost demanding an explanation. I mean who was she to defriend me. With a little guilt she would pay for that. Well she finally answered me. Oh boy, did she answer me! I won't go into detail about what she said; lets just say she did not mince words. To my surprise, she actually hit a nerve because she was right.

So you're wondering what the point is right? Well my point is that we live in uncertain times. Its easy to say one thing, but have your actions mean something else. The idea of friendship is simple. I like you, you like me, we click. It makes since that something comes of having this connection with each other. If nothing else a friendship develops. We spend time together, doing things that we can look back on with fondness. Given enough time a bond hopefully grows that becomes unbreakable. That's my idea of friendship, but what does it mean to be friends in today's world? What defines friendship to others? A large list on some social network that's considered hip? Its funny how long it took me to even realize we were no longer "friends." In a sense I was humbled because she ended the relationship instead of me. I let her down in her mind. If she had never defriended me would I have taken the time to reach out; no. I would have taken pride at my little list of friends that I have acquired and kept it moving, hoping at some point to add more "friends." Exactly what does she mean to me? I do miss her. There was life before Facebook believe it or not. Moments shared, both good and bad. After thinking about what she wrote back to me I decided to put my ego to the side and apologize. That was yesterday. The ball is in her court.  I'm waiting for a response even as I write this piece. Do I think she will let bygones be bygones and have me back in her life? Or is that just wishful thinking? What now?

Please Allow me to Introduce Myself

Welcome true believers. History is being made as we speak. The Tony Dolemite perspective is in full effect courtesy of One Bad Apple. Yes, I am Tony Dolemite, and for however long I can I will bring you my point of view, no matter how fucked up you think it is. Yes, there will be foul language used, and plenty of it. By no means am I setting out to revolutionize the concept of blogging. Am I an authority figure on any particular subject, no. However, I do feel that I can contribute as much as anyone else can. I won't pigeon hole myself and talk about one subject all the time, that would be BORING!!!. Rather I will discuss issues at random and hope I can at least entertain you, provoking thought and meaningful dialogue in exchange. The ride may be bumpy, but that's how I like it. GET READY!