Letting Go

Yesterday I had lunch with one of my co-workers from another office, who I get together with every so often to just catch up. During lunch, we had the opportunity to discuss a number of topics. One that really resonated with me was the idea that a lot of us have trouble letting our guard or barriers down when it comes to meeting people. I don't mean dating, but relationships in general.

Its only natural to have a wall up when it comes to interacting with others. I don't know or trust you so why do I want to get to know you?  Trust has to be earned, connections have to be made. But how can these things happen if you don't have an open mind? How can we truly get to know each other if we refuse to let go of the barriers that keep getting in the way?

My co-worker pointed out to me that during her first year on the job she did not have lunch with anyone outside of her office. Everyone she came in contact with had their walls up. I found that difficult to believe because she is warm and personable with a great smile and wonderful sense of humor. Why would it be so difficult, for her of all people, to get to know anyone outside her office? Barriers, I tell you, them damn barriers!

Well, it doesn't matter how friendly you are if the person you're trying to be friendly with doesn't meet you half way. It really does take two, more often than not. Why should life be so difficult? We're human beings meant to interact and get together and work and live together. I believe that was intended. You have nothing to gain except loneliness if you decide to keep the walls up. We need each other to survive. Is it fear that keeps us from letting go of our barriers? If the answer is yes, than why? What in the world is there to be afraid of when someone extends a hand in friendship?

Maybe we're afraid to let go because it would make us feel vulnerable. Letting someone in means taking a chance and letting go of preconceived fears that we have held on to for so long; opening up about who you are is risky, if that's not your style. It means you get to see the real person. What if it turns out that you don't like the real person. How does that person feel? But that's just it; chances need to be taken. We need to lighten up. I'm not saying we need to be the best of friends, I'm saying that we should leave the door open to friendliness

I know that it is easier said than done. I myself can be shy. I can also be outgoing when I want, but it all depends on the circumstances. It can be difficult breaking free of the shyness. There have been times when I wished that  someone would have taken the time out to try to get past the wall that I have up. It would have made me less apprehensive and put me at ease.

Reaching out only to be rejected is frustrating too. Again, it takes two to make it work. How many walls do I have to climb in order to get to know someone really?

I have another co-worker that I have known for several years. At first there was a little bumpiness in the road to becoming better co-workers, but we have gotten past that. We have never made plans to get together outside of work, but we have ended up at the same job related events. A couple of times we hung out after the events were over and just talked. Nothing was planned. To my surprise, these conversations were deep and substantial. They were totally unexpected, but welcome nevertheless. The kind of exchange that good friends are suppose to have. I walked away wondering why is it our working relationship never developed into an actual friendship. We get along, we have some of the same friends, yet we're still just co-workers. I'm actually pleased when I see him so whats the problem? Many times I've wanted to bring this issue up and have a conversation with him about this. However, for all I know, he may like things just the way they are, a work relationship. I can't help but feel that we have the potential for a real friendship, but that's me. Should I pursue the issue? Fear of rejection keeps me from saying anything, while I can only guess why his wall is up. Every time I see him I want to talk about this, but ask myself do I really want to have that discussion?

I think we need to let our guards down a little. I personally am going to try and be more outgoing and friendly and get to know people. Since I took the time to write this piece, I should live by example. It may widen my circle of friends, or not. Not everyone is open to this idea, so I have my work cut out for me. I'll revisit this and let you know how it goes.