Sunday, October 30, 2011

Society As A Whole

Someone extremely close to me is unemployed right now. She has been unemployed for over a year, a year that has proven to be most difficult. I have seen her go through some ups and downs since losing her job, and pray that things turn around for her. The thing is she is already in her late fifties, with no real job skills. No one is willing to invest in somebody her age without any marketable skills. Even if she had the skills, she would probably fall into the category of being over qualified and still not get the good job she wanted; a job that could give her back her self-esteem and independence. Meanwhile the bill collectors keep calling as she falls behind on her payments. Why should they care, they have a job, they're just doing it. She has amassed a serious debt that will take a long time to get rid of, if at all. Her unemployment benefits which doesn't amount to much after taxes, are about to run out within the next few weeks. According to the government, she makes gets too much money in unemployment to qualify for assistance, like medical and food stamps. She doesn't have much of a savings to live on once the unemployment runs out. She suffers from a number of health issues and is struggling with depression. She is left wondering what now? Where is her place in the world? Somehow, despite all of this, she is supposed to have faith that everything will be just fine. She will not be given more than she can handle. That is bullshit! She has been given her fair share and more than a lot of people could handle right now.

So what does she do when her unemployment runs out? Does she have to be at her worse, hit rock bottom in order to get any kind of break? Why doesn't she qualify for services? Believe me when I say her check, after its all said and done, ain't shit! You work your whole life and for what? To walk away from a job you hated with a pittance of a check that doesn't even cover half of your rent, not to mention food, and the basic necessities of life.  

This is just one person's story. Never mind about the countless others in the same boat or worse. How many others are going through what she is going through; how many are at the end of their rope trying to hang on. At least she has a family that can offer some kind of support. What about whole families that are suffering as they endure poverty? What do they do? The only reason I am even writing this is because it hits so close to home. As people go, we have become desensitized when it comes to the fate of our fellow man. We can put our heads down or look the other way without thinking twice when a complete stranger on the train ride home announces that they are homeless and needs spare change just to get a meal. It is more of an inconvenience than anything esle. Maybe it is a shame, but what does that have to do with me. Have you taken a real hard look at some of these people? They could be a cousin or friend, or former co-worker or classmate who has fallen on hard times. If it doesn't effect us directly we look the other way. As long as I have a roof over my head and a place to stay, I am cool. As long as I can pay my bills, I am not concerned about my neighbors plight. As long as I can eat I could care less about someone starving. An oversimplification but something to think about. We're all suffering in our own way. Those of us lucky to even have a job, are living from check to check because our rents are so damn high, not to mention other bills that we carry have to be paid too.

When did we as a society become so desensitized? How did it happen? Dosen't anything matter anymore? Over the last few years we've seen natural disasters like Hurricane Katrina wreck havoc on New Orleans, an earthquake nearly destroy Haiti, as well as one that has brought Japan to its knees. This is just off the top of my head. There have been others that have occured as well. Initially, when those events happened,we were heavily saturated with media coverage. Now here we are months and in some cases years removed from these things and its as if they didn't happen. Has anyone kept up with the status of those places today? Yeah, those things happened, but as usual life goes on.  

What now? There is no immediate answer. At least I don't have answer. All you can do is rely on whatever it is you believe in order to endure. I wish I could write a happy ending. More importantly, I wish I could tell you that the person who I spoke about in the beginning of this article has seen her life change for the better, but I can't. She will have to continue to endure.  

I will not sit here and lecture, because I am no better. I'm always looking the other way when I feel that things don't directly affect me. The same thing can be said about society as a whole. If society continues to look the other way, then what? Think about it.

Friday, October 14, 2011

Happy Birthday to Me

Happy birthday to me! Yes, it really is my birthday, no lie. Birthdays seem to come by faster and faster each year, without remorse. It seems like yesterday I just turned eighteen and was supposed to have my whole life ahead of me. I thought for sure that my life would have turned out differently than it actually has. There was hope, optimism and excitement when I think about how I was at eighteen. I became an adult and could do just about anything I wanted to do, or so I thought. I was scared, but ready for anything. I think we all felt the same way at that age. Why not? It is an exciting time if you let it be. I laugh now when I think about how naive I was.
Fast forward to a number of years later and I wonder what the Hell happened to that eighteen year old kid. At what point did he turn into me? What happened to taking chances and taking life as it came? What happened to all my dreams and hopes for the future? In other words, where did I go wrong? The truth is I didn’t go wrong; I made choices like everyone else has. Some were good, some were bad, some too painful to talk about, but they were my choices to make, and I consider myself lucky to have had the chance to make them. That’s a part of the growing up process. There is no book that can accurately tell you how to live your own life, I don’t care what Oprah says. It is easy to look back and wonder what if, trust me, I know. But my life isn’t a horror story either. At least I am not Precious, with a frying pan upside my head. It’s a life that I have lived to the best of my abilities. At my core I am a decent person, prone to the same ills all mankind are. I can be moody, envious, petty and cruel. I can be kind, loving, and thoughtful. I can be sarcastic and witty or downright nasty like a Motherfucker. There are many facets to my personality that I will not apologize for. Basically, I am what I am. Period!
I think at some point we all have to come to terms with where we are in life and who we are in life instead of letting our birth date get the best of us. I may never be what I wanted to be at eighteen, but I realize I don’t have to be. I am older, by a significant number of years, so my priorities have changed. I have responsibilities that I never thought I would have. I am a man. I am an adult. My outlook is different. I can laugh at myself more now than ever before. I’m more comfortable with who I am. I am who I am because of the experiences I had.
Birthdays always seem to send us spiraling, especially when we hit milestones like twenty-one, thirty, forty, fifty, etc. We consider the paths we never chose and the what ifs of it all. The truth is, we are where we are for a reason. It’s that simple. There is no going back, no matter how hard you try. I honestly thought I would have been married by now, with at least two kids. That isn’t the case at all; there are no wife and kids to speak of.  I don’t think I will ever even have children, which I seem to be comfortable with. I would like to have a relationship with someone who I can grow old with, a partner. When I say partner I mean a female companion, who may not want to get married, but is willing to take me as I am as I take her for who she is.
Life isn’t over because you didn’t achieve something by the time you’re thirty or forty. Life is now and will be until the day you die at whatever age that is. A birthday shouldn’t dictate that next step or be a reminder of shortcomings. It is not a lamination. Its a celebration. Another  birthday means a chance to age gracefully, like a fine wine.So live, love and stop trippin’. I think you’ll be just fine. Happy Birthday! 

Sunday, October 9, 2011

The Double Standard

Yes, I’ll admit it; I am overweight. There is no getting around it; I do have a weight problem. I always have been and probably always will be overweight. As long as I can remember, I have always struggled with my weight, especially over the last few years. I have gained more than my fair share of weight, which I am not proud of, but it is worth mentioning. At times it has held me back. It has kept me from being as outgoing as I can be, suffering in silence as I watch other people have a good time and wondering why that isn’t me. At times my weight has forced me to be over the top in order to be noticed; the comedian in me takes over, reducing me to play the part of the clown prince. I still feel empty because I have nothing to show for it. Relationships feel like they are becoming harder and harder to navigate as I get older and put on more weight. I feel that I sometimes settle for relationships, both platonic as well as romantic, out of fear that I may end up growing old and lonely, which is one of my biggest fears. Being overweight doesn’t leave me with options. I feel forced to take whatever comes along, whenever it comes along. It’s like a homeless dog getting tossed a bone when they’ve been starving for so long. Thank goodness he got tossed the bone or he would have nothing. Every once in a while I wish when I got tossed a bone that it would have a little meat on it.

Yet, no one takes time to sympathize with what I am going through. I certainly didn’t ask to be fat. I didn’t ask for the burden of such a life altering addiction. At my core I am as human as the next person, only no one takes the time to find that out. I always feel that I am being kept at arm’s length from people; I fear that I won’t be accepted because I’m this way so I try not to form any real attachments to anyone. They will leave me eventually. And since I am not as flashy or trendy as someone more colorful than me no one bothers to get past my barrier. It is so easy for someone who doesn’t even know me to tell me I should lose weight without thinking twice about it. God forbid I decide to have a second helping of food, especially when I’m at an event or at an all you can eat buffet; the looks on everybody’s faces tells the story. It’s as if I’m crazy for lifting more one spoonful of whatever it is I am eating to my mouth. Shame on me! This is what I endure as an obese man in today’s world.

Meanwhile an obese woman has it different. An obese woman has more support from family and friends. She is told to love herself and to appreciate what she has to offer as a human being. If someone can’t love her for who she is than it’s their loss not hers. A woman who struggles with her weight usually dates men who come in all shapes and sizes; she has all kinds of admirers. She doesn’t have to settle if she doesn’t want to. She is regarded as big and beautiful. She is loved and cherished; she does not suffer from being ostracized. Everyone goes out of their way to make sure she gets pasts her doubts and insecurities. Her hand is held as she is told everything will be just fine.

My question is why the double standard. Why don’t I have a support system in place like that? Weight aside, I don’t think I am so bad looking. I have a good personality yet, I am alone more often than not. I can be a good friend if only someone lets me be one. No one tells me how handsome I am, there is no sympathetic arm around my shoulders to comfort me and make me feel good. Who in the Hell goes out of their way to reassure me? Just once I would like to be told everything is going to be alright, just once.

You know what really gets me is how easily we forget. A lot of heavy women will not even give me the time of day because they think they can do so much better. Really? Really? That’s when I have to scratch my head and say what the hell? A few years ago I met a young woman who I was really attracted to both physically and emotionally. I thought the feeling was mutual. Yes, I was overweight then too, but she was on the heavy side herself. I don’t discriminate. I didn’t think my weight would matter to her. I thought that under the right circumstances we could have had a long term relationship. Then one evening out together she says we have to talk. She was honest enough to say that she was concerned about my weight. She admitted that she was developing strong feelings for me. He fear was that one day I would have a heart attack and die unexpectedly, leaving her alone. She couldn’t bear the thought of that happening.

Understandably, I was upset about how that ended. More importantly what was more upsetting was why it happened. If I had made a big deal out of her health issues I would be the bad guy. Since my feelings were hurt it was ok right? No, not really. At the end of the day I need to be loved and accepted just like all human beings do. What’s good for her should be good for me too. An overweight man should be put on the same pedestal as an overweight woman and given the same kind of support and love. We’re both struggling with addiction, self-esteem, loneliness and other kinds of issues. Where’s the love?

Thursday, October 6, 2011

Ultimate Spider-Man...Ultimate Progress

Last night I had the opportunity to sit back and read the 1st issue of Ultimate Comics: Spider-Man introducing the new Spider-Man, Miles Morales. I won’t go into detail about the 1st issue, although I will say that I walked away satisfied and will continue to read the book until that feeling goes away. If the 1st issue is any indication of what’s to come, than this Spider-Man will have a legacy that die hard fans can be proud of and leave casual fans wanting more. Only time can tell.
What happens to be significant to me and what has made headlines is the fact that Miles is half African American and half Puerto Rican. Well, being that I am half African American and half Puerto Rican, all I have to say is that it’s about damn time! For years, although I am a comic book guy in my heart and soul, I have always wanted a hero who I could relate too. I wanted to see myself as the character. In many ways I was Peter Parker in my teenage years; the nerd nobody quite understood or made any effort to get to know. High school could be unpleasant to say the least. Although I could appreciate his angst to a certain point and empathized, we’re still from different worlds; Peter being Caucasian and me being a person of color. Hey, at least Parker got to be Spider-Man. All I could do is live vicariously through his adventures.
Offhand I can’t tell you how many superheroes of color there were for me to identify with growing up, because it feels like there weren’t that many. Even as I write this, the only ones that come to mind are DC Comics’ Black Lightning, Black Vulcan from the Super Friends television series and the Brown Hornet from Fat Albert and the Cosby Kids television series. Man, I almost forgot about the Black Panther and Power-Man. I am glad to see that there have been some progress made since I was a little kid; Static Shock, War Machine, Blade and countless others that I have probably missed the boat on.
Spider-Man is an iconic character, no matter if he is the ultimate version or the Spider-man that currently exists in the Marvel Universe. When everybody found out that Peter Parker was going to be killed off, despite the fact that it was the ultimate version, it got everyone’s attention. Then, when everybody found out that his successor would be a character of color everyone had something to say, both good and bad, as well as down the middle. I’ll admit even I questioned the change. I have followed this series since its debut in 2000. I liked this new take on Peter Parker, Aunt May, Mary Jane Watson and the rest of the Spider-Man cast of characters. When I heard about the possibility of Parker being killed I cringed. Would this be the end of the series as we know it? The new change brought about legitimate fears; would a new Spider-Man mean a dip in quality? This change is a sign of the times and shows progress. Does this mean that I want to see a Black Superman on the horizon? No, but would it hurt to promote an African American, Hispanic, or any other minority superhero the way Super-Man or Bat-Man has been over the years? If I were to compare the 1st Blade movie to the 1st Spider-Man movie, I would have to say that Blade was totally better. It blew Spider-Man out of the water. In fact I will go so far to say that Blade was the catalyst for how films, especially ones based on Marvel comic book characters should be handled. Just look at history and you will see what I mean. Yet for whatever reason the film gets overlooked or doesn’t have the same standing as the X-Men franchise, or the Spider-Man franchise.
The bottom line is that we should have an open mind regarding the new Spider-Man. And again I will hang in there as much as I possibly can; hopefully the storyline will continue to captivate us. Keep your fingers crossed true believers!