Happy Father's Day, Mom!

Once again Father's Day is upon us, giving me a moment to reflect. Growing up, I didn't have a father. Well, not in the traditional sense anyway. My mother, to the best of her ability, did double duty, holding it down as best she could. I love my mother dearly, but the truth of the matter is it would have been nice to have a positive, strong and intelligent male figure in my life. Someone who I felt comfortable opening up to about stuff that I don't think my mother would have understood, no matter how hard she tried.

I have often wondered what would have happened if my father had been a part of my life. It would have been different, no doubt. How different is a question I don't have the answer to and now believe it or not, do not want the answer to. I can't deny that a boy needs his father or that a girl needs her mother, as long as they are serious about parenting. However, considering my father wasn't around and made no attempts to be, and that my mother, like all single mothers, made the choice to be what I needed her to be then I have no choice but to say Happy Father's Day, Mom!

What Happens When the Spirit Goes?

What happens when the spirit goes? What happens when you feel that you no longer have the inner strength to carry on? When even the smallest set-back feels like a major catastrophe? Although I am not at that point in my life, someone very important to me is. Every defeat seems magnified by the fact that nothing ever seems to go right. This person, who I will call Linda for the sake of this piece, is at the end of her rope. With no job or prospect of one on the horizon, Linda continues to struggle with a variety of issues on a day to day basis. Whether its feelings of low self-esteem, the bombardment of phone calls from debt collectors, who could care less about her situation, the inability to find employment at her age, 55, living only on unemployment until that runs out or wondering if one day she'll end up in a homeless shelter, Linda is at the brink.

With everything that has happened to Linda over the last few years, from losing her job and prior to that, suffering an accident that has left her permanently disabled, you wonder if things will turn around. I can't say that I blame her for feeling the way she does. It's a scary time in her life. Hell, this is a scary time for all of us. Unfortunately, no matter how supportive people are or try to be, it's hard convincing Linda that everything will be all right. The truth is I feel that my words are becoming hollow with each passing day. No, I don't know if things will be all right. I don't know if I can bring myself to continue to say that they will be. I'm only human and face my own challenges that test my faith too. I hope that through prayer, love and faith that Linda remains optimistic and continue to endure. However, when talks of suicide come up once in a while in our conversations, a part of me breaks down. I know that suicidal thoughts have crossed her mind and it has left me absolutely terrified. All I can offer is hope, strength and love, but will that be enough? 

Linda's story is not unique by any means. You may know a Linda or a Tom, Dick or Harry who needs something to believe in during their most difficult times. The thing is, how do you help someone get through the tough times when you struggle with your own faith?

New Year, New Sh*T

New year, new shit! That seems like some kind of battle cry or anthem. I think that's the general feeling as we enter a new year. We're always on our guard wondering exactly what the new year will bring. Personally, I anticipate having a good year with my return to college to earn my Masters. My work on The Bleacher Report continues, so at least I am getting back into my writing. Its not only enjoyable knowing That I'm being heard on such a huge platform, but its therapeutic to actually write again; definitely a stress reliever. As I prepare for my first semester back in school, I wonder what challenges await me, both on a professional level as well as a personal level.

Whatever happens, I'll at least stay true to myself and endure. There's no other choice. As I stated in my previous blog, I have decided to recommit to making this blog even better than ever. I realize just how important it is and I certainly don't want to turn my back on what started it all. I know that I'm capable of big things and I know that with a lot of effort and hard work I can and will definitely make an impact with One Bad Apple.

Big thanks to Marc Polite for letting me hitch my wagon to his by listing my blog on his blog roll. Big things are already happening for Marc which he certainly deserves. He is proof positive that hard work and passion go a long way. His success doesn't surprise me at all. Stay strong and keep up the great work my brother.

Big thanks to a friend of mine who makes this blog worth writing, Dawn. This is the one person who has made it a point to read One Bad Apple and who has inspired me to continue to blog. She herself is a talented writer and has a blog that can be funny, engaging and provoke thought. Thanks girlfriend for paying attention. By this time next year maybe I'll have at least two or three more people who admit to following this.

For now, its love peace and soul.

Closing Thoughts for 2011

Well, well, it has been quite some time since I have been out here. Well, not exactly. I have been back a few times trying to figure out the right words to say. Since I started this blog a few things have happened. I have been accepted to Grad school. Words can not express how I feel about returning to school to continue my education and taking the next step in my academic career. Strangely enough I feel as if I am carving out a legacy. Maybe legacy is too big a word to use at this stage, but in some ways it feels appropriate.

Another item worth mentioning is the fact that I am now a contributing writer for a sports website called The Bleacher Report. I have been waiting for an opportunity like this to come along. I'm by no means an expert on any particular sport, just a fan who has a voice like everyone else. I welcome the opportunity to be heard and The Bleacher Report has been a great platform for me to do so.

Last, but not least, I want to talk about this blog. I haven't given it the attention that it deserves because of my work with Bleacher and my attempt to get into grad school. How ironic, because I started One Bad Apple to get back into writing which is something I had neglected for too long. At first I considered walking away from it because I still have not found my niche. Everything I have written about were things that happen to pop into my head or that caught my attention and seemed worth writing about. Thinking about it, why keep searching for a niche; I already have one. Writing about whatever comes to mind is my niche. To pigeon hole myself and talk about one thing all the time just isn't my thing. Conversation should be open to any topic that comes up no matter what. My intention in the beginning was to get back into writing, but it was also about getting to the heart of the matter; letting go of the boundaries is what its all about.

I also considered walking away because I have yet to gain an audience. No, that isn't true. A friend of mine has been loyal and kind enough to follow; I'm grateful for that and always will be. It would be nice if I had a larger audience, the more the merrier. I haven't figured out how to attract people to this site yet. Just one of the challenges I'll face in the new year.

I've decided to recommit myself to One Bad Apple. I'm going to do everything I possibly can to get the word out about it and make it what I intended it to be, a forum for thought. I don't know how, but somehow One Bad Apple will become big in 2012. Not just smack talk folks.

Anyway, that's it for now. Here's to meeting new challenges in the new year and more conversation. Goodbye 2011, welcome 2012!

Hurt Feelings

On Friday, I got into an argument with my mother. By the end of it, I knew that I hurt her feelings, but I chose not to apologize. I didn't feel like it. I always apologize. Me being me, I decided to leave well enough alone for once. Don't get me wrong; when my mother hurts, I hurt. When she is in pain, so am I. I never intentionally go out of my way to hurt anyone, but it happens. We all go through difficult times and therefore can be difficult in the process. An insensitive remark carries weight and goes a long way. Will my mother and I get through this and move on, of course we will. We are a strong family and would never let hurt feelings damage the relationship. I do have issues, but there is nothing I can't forgive her for and I am sure she feels the same way.

Just the same, I hate hurting someones feelings. Even if I can't stand the person, I would rather avoid them than to have a blown out of proportion confrontation. It's not about being a punk, I'm just not built that way. The thing is, hurting someone, even if it's someone you care about, can't be avoided. They have feelings, but you do too. There's but so much you can take as you continue to feel slighted. How much do you let roll off your back before you flip? 

My patience continues to grow thin as I get older. What I was willing to overlook as a younger man, I now can't help but roll my eyes at and speak on. I feel a rage building up within me and I forget, or really don't care about someones feelings. Did they care about mine as they did me wrong? Did they stop and think that maybe I cry and bleed like everyone else? Does it matter?

I'll be the first to admit that we are living on the edge as a society. We continue to self-medicate our issues using superficial means. We never really get to the heart of what's wrong. We're too proud to admit things bother us; everything is just fine or will be. From fragile relationships we can barely hold together to worries about surviving the economic plague that has infiltrated our society, is it any wonder that we're capable of losing it? We're looking for salvation which is in short supply. How are we supposed to manage? That's a question that I guess I will continue to struggle with as I look for answers.



 

Legends Lost

We lost two pioneers in a space of two days, rap superstar Heavy D and boxing great Joe Frazier. Just the other day I heard Frazier had cancer, and now he's gone. Wow, just like that. Heavy D comes as a complete shock for me and I 'm sure many others. There was nothing to suggest that anything was wrong with D. Well there was nothing in the news to my knowledge anyway. Regardless, we are all at a loss. As I stated earlier, both were pioneers and contributed so much to their professions. Both also conducted themselves as gentlemen and gave those of us in the Black community role models to pattern ourselves after and be proud of.

I liked Heavy D. As an overweight kid growing up in the 80's, there were not many positive role models outside the home for me to identify with. Then Heavy came along. He could rap, he knew how to dress and the ladies loved him. Perfect. He gave me hope instead of letting me wallow in despair.

"Smokin" Joe was in a class by himself. A great boxer who will always be remembered for his trilogy of  battles with the legendary Muhammad Ali. Joe possessed a quiet dignity. At some point I am going to take a look at Frazier vs. Ali and add my own two cents. For now all I will say is that Frazier deserved better from Ali and the rest of the Black community.

Dwight "Heavy D" Myers and Joe Frazier, my brothers, you can rest in peace knowing that you were both a class act. We will miss and love you. Peace.

Dating During the Recession

As I mentioned in my previous article, I had lunch with one of my co-workers this past Friday in order to catch up. We ended up talking about a number of topics. Although she briefly touched on this one, I have been thinking about it ever since and wanted to talk about it.

I've decided to get back into the dating game. It's been too long since I went out with someone and feel that I am at least ready to throw my hat into the dating arena once again. However, this year is 2011 and although I have a job, there is a recession to consider. I am single with no children, so that isn't an issue. I am not debt ridden, so that isn't an issue either. I am responsible for rent, cable, groceries, and a few other bills. Who isn't? And the dollar does not go as far as it use to. Can dating be factored in without sending me spiraling financially?  Good question.

I am old school. I always have been and always will be. What I mean is that whenever I would go out on a date with a woman in the past, at least in the beginning I would always pay for everything. I never did any half stepping. I always subscribed to the idea that the man pays for everything, and I do mean everything. I'm not saying that I spent money that I didn't have, but I just took care of everything. That's how I was raised.

It is now 2011 and like I stated earlier the dollar doesn't go as far as it use to. Times keep changing. Now I have some decisions to make if I am really serious about dating. I don't have a problem spending money, however prices keep going up. Dining out is expensive. Hell, even going to the movies is more expensive than ever; the menu at your typical Manhattan movie theater looks like something out of a fast food joint. They no longer sell just beverages, hot dogs, popcorn and candy, but chicken fingers among other items that I can't recall at the moment. You could spend a fortune just at the movies on "snacks" alone. Then after the movies there is still the rest of the evening to consider. What if my date is hungry or wants to go to a bar for drinks, or do both? At the end of the evening I would be out a significant amount of money; and this is just the first date! There is no guarantee that there would be a second date.

Maybe I am exaggerating. The first date doesn't have to consist of those activities, but understand money will be spent. Yes, I live in New York City, so I can find plenty to do that's not so expensive or rather "cheap." But how long can I get away with that? My date might think I am cheap which might be a turn off. Her tastes may be different. My date will certainly have interests that she would like to share with me. Am I suppose to expect her to pay for something when it interests her?

Don't even get me started when it comes to subscribing to dating websites. That is an investment in itself. Subscribing to sites like E-Harmony, and Match.com doesn't come cheap. Dating doesn't come cheap period. Maybe I should rethink the whole dating thing.