New Year, New Sh*T

New year, new shit! That seems like some kind of battle cry or anthem. I think that's the general feeling as we enter a new year. We're always on our guard wondering exactly what the new year will bring. Personally, I anticipate having a good year with my return to college to earn my Masters. My work on The Bleacher Report continues, so at least I am getting back into my writing. Its not only enjoyable knowing That I'm being heard on such a huge platform, but its therapeutic to actually write again; definitely a stress reliever. As I prepare for my first semester back in school, I wonder what challenges await me, both on a professional level as well as a personal level.

Whatever happens, I'll at least stay true to myself and endure. There's no other choice. As I stated in my previous blog, I have decided to recommit to making this blog even better than ever. I realize just how important it is and I certainly don't want to turn my back on what started it all. I know that I'm capable of big things and I know that with a lot of effort and hard work I can and will definitely make an impact with One Bad Apple.

Big thanks to Marc Polite for letting me hitch my wagon to his by listing my blog on his blog roll. Big things are already happening for Marc which he certainly deserves. He is proof positive that hard work and passion go a long way. His success doesn't surprise me at all. Stay strong and keep up the great work my brother.

Big thanks to a friend of mine who makes this blog worth writing, Dawn. This is the one person who has made it a point to read One Bad Apple and who has inspired me to continue to blog. She herself is a talented writer and has a blog that can be funny, engaging and provoke thought. Thanks girlfriend for paying attention. By this time next year maybe I'll have at least two or three more people who admit to following this.

For now, its love peace and soul.

Closing Thoughts for 2011

Well, well, it has been quite some time since I have been out here. Well, not exactly. I have been back a few times trying to figure out the right words to say. Since I started this blog a few things have happened. I have been accepted to Grad school. Words can not express how I feel about returning to school to continue my education and taking the next step in my academic career. Strangely enough I feel as if I am carving out a legacy. Maybe legacy is too big a word to use at this stage, but in some ways it feels appropriate.

Another item worth mentioning is the fact that I am now a contributing writer for a sports website called The Bleacher Report. I have been waiting for an opportunity like this to come along. I'm by no means an expert on any particular sport, just a fan who has a voice like everyone else. I welcome the opportunity to be heard and The Bleacher Report has been a great platform for me to do so.

Last, but not least, I want to talk about this blog. I haven't given it the attention that it deserves because of my work with Bleacher and my attempt to get into grad school. How ironic, because I started One Bad Apple to get back into writing which is something I had neglected for too long. At first I considered walking away from it because I still have not found my niche. Everything I have written about were things that happen to pop into my head or that caught my attention and seemed worth writing about. Thinking about it, why keep searching for a niche; I already have one. Writing about whatever comes to mind is my niche. To pigeon hole myself and talk about one thing all the time just isn't my thing. Conversation should be open to any topic that comes up no matter what. My intention in the beginning was to get back into writing, but it was also about getting to the heart of the matter; letting go of the boundaries is what its all about.

I also considered walking away because I have yet to gain an audience. No, that isn't true. A friend of mine has been loyal and kind enough to follow; I'm grateful for that and always will be. It would be nice if I had a larger audience, the more the merrier. I haven't figured out how to attract people to this site yet. Just one of the challenges I'll face in the new year.

I've decided to recommit myself to One Bad Apple. I'm going to do everything I possibly can to get the word out about it and make it what I intended it to be, a forum for thought. I don't know how, but somehow One Bad Apple will become big in 2012. Not just smack talk folks.

Anyway, that's it for now. Here's to meeting new challenges in the new year and more conversation. Goodbye 2011, welcome 2012!

Hurt Feelings

On Friday, I got into an argument with my mother. By the end of it, I knew that I hurt her feelings, but I chose not to apologize. I didn't feel like it. I always apologize. Me being me, I decided to leave well enough alone for once. Don't get me wrong; when my mother hurts, I hurt. When she is in pain, so am I. I never intentionally go out of my way to hurt anyone, but it happens. We all go through difficult times and therefore can be difficult in the process. An insensitive remark carries weight and goes a long way. Will my mother and I get through this and move on, of course we will. We are a strong family and would never let hurt feelings damage the relationship. I do have issues, but there is nothing I can't forgive her for and I am sure she feels the same way.

Just the same, I hate hurting someones feelings. Even if I can't stand the person, I would rather avoid them than to have a blown out of proportion confrontation. It's not about being a punk, I'm just not built that way. The thing is, hurting someone, even if it's someone you care about, can't be avoided. They have feelings, but you do too. There's but so much you can take as you continue to feel slighted. How much do you let roll off your back before you flip? 

My patience continues to grow thin as I get older. What I was willing to overlook as a younger man, I now can't help but roll my eyes at and speak on. I feel a rage building up within me and I forget, or really don't care about someones feelings. Did they care about mine as they did me wrong? Did they stop and think that maybe I cry and bleed like everyone else? Does it matter?

I'll be the first to admit that we are living on the edge as a society. We continue to self-medicate our issues using superficial means. We never really get to the heart of what's wrong. We're too proud to admit things bother us; everything is just fine or will be. From fragile relationships we can barely hold together to worries about surviving the economic plague that has infiltrated our society, is it any wonder that we're capable of losing it? We're looking for salvation which is in short supply. How are we supposed to manage? That's a question that I guess I will continue to struggle with as I look for answers.



 

Legends Lost

We lost two pioneers in a space of two days, rap superstar Heavy D and boxing great Joe Frazier. Just the other day I heard Frazier had cancer, and now he's gone. Wow, just like that. Heavy D comes as a complete shock for me and I 'm sure many others. There was nothing to suggest that anything was wrong with D. Well there was nothing in the news to my knowledge anyway. Regardless, we are all at a loss. As I stated earlier, both were pioneers and contributed so much to their professions. Both also conducted themselves as gentlemen and gave those of us in the Black community role models to pattern ourselves after and be proud of.

I liked Heavy D. As an overweight kid growing up in the 80's, there were not many positive role models outside the home for me to identify with. Then Heavy came along. He could rap, he knew how to dress and the ladies loved him. Perfect. He gave me hope instead of letting me wallow in despair.

"Smokin" Joe was in a class by himself. A great boxer who will always be remembered for his trilogy of  battles with the legendary Muhammad Ali. Joe possessed a quiet dignity. At some point I am going to take a look at Frazier vs. Ali and add my own two cents. For now all I will say is that Frazier deserved better from Ali and the rest of the Black community.

Dwight "Heavy D" Myers and Joe Frazier, my brothers, you can rest in peace knowing that you were both a class act. We will miss and love you. Peace.

Dating During the Recession

As I mentioned in my previous article, I had lunch with one of my co-workers this past Friday in order to catch up. We ended up talking about a number of topics. Although she briefly touched on this one, I have been thinking about it ever since and wanted to talk about it.

I've decided to get back into the dating game. It's been too long since I went out with someone and feel that I am at least ready to throw my hat into the dating arena once again. However, this year is 2011 and although I have a job, there is a recession to consider. I am single with no children, so that isn't an issue. I am not debt ridden, so that isn't an issue either. I am responsible for rent, cable, groceries, and a few other bills. Who isn't? And the dollar does not go as far as it use to. Can dating be factored in without sending me spiraling financially?  Good question.

I am old school. I always have been and always will be. What I mean is that whenever I would go out on a date with a woman in the past, at least in the beginning I would always pay for everything. I never did any half stepping. I always subscribed to the idea that the man pays for everything, and I do mean everything. I'm not saying that I spent money that I didn't have, but I just took care of everything. That's how I was raised.

It is now 2011 and like I stated earlier the dollar doesn't go as far as it use to. Times keep changing. Now I have some decisions to make if I am really serious about dating. I don't have a problem spending money, however prices keep going up. Dining out is expensive. Hell, even going to the movies is more expensive than ever; the menu at your typical Manhattan movie theater looks like something out of a fast food joint. They no longer sell just beverages, hot dogs, popcorn and candy, but chicken fingers among other items that I can't recall at the moment. You could spend a fortune just at the movies on "snacks" alone. Then after the movies there is still the rest of the evening to consider. What if my date is hungry or wants to go to a bar for drinks, or do both? At the end of the evening I would be out a significant amount of money; and this is just the first date! There is no guarantee that there would be a second date.

Maybe I am exaggerating. The first date doesn't have to consist of those activities, but understand money will be spent. Yes, I live in New York City, so I can find plenty to do that's not so expensive or rather "cheap." But how long can I get away with that? My date might think I am cheap which might be a turn off. Her tastes may be different. My date will certainly have interests that she would like to share with me. Am I suppose to expect her to pay for something when it interests her?

Don't even get me started when it comes to subscribing to dating websites. That is an investment in itself. Subscribing to sites like E-Harmony, and Match.com doesn't come cheap. Dating doesn't come cheap period. Maybe I should rethink the whole dating thing.

Letting Go

Yesterday I had lunch with one of my co-workers from another office, who I get together with every so often to just catch up. During lunch, we had the opportunity to discuss a number of topics. One that really resonated with me was the idea that a lot of us have trouble letting our guard or barriers down when it comes to meeting people. I don't mean dating, but relationships in general.

Its only natural to have a wall up when it comes to interacting with others. I don't know or trust you so why do I want to get to know you?  Trust has to be earned, connections have to be made. But how can these things happen if you don't have an open mind? How can we truly get to know each other if we refuse to let go of the barriers that keep getting in the way?

My co-worker pointed out to me that during her first year on the job she did not have lunch with anyone outside of her office. Everyone she came in contact with had their walls up. I found that difficult to believe because she is warm and personable with a great smile and wonderful sense of humor. Why would it be so difficult, for her of all people, to get to know anyone outside her office? Barriers, I tell you, them damn barriers!

Well, it doesn't matter how friendly you are if the person you're trying to be friendly with doesn't meet you half way. It really does take two, more often than not. Why should life be so difficult? We're human beings meant to interact and get together and work and live together. I believe that was intended. You have nothing to gain except loneliness if you decide to keep the walls up. We need each other to survive. Is it fear that keeps us from letting go of our barriers? If the answer is yes, than why? What in the world is there to be afraid of when someone extends a hand in friendship?

Maybe we're afraid to let go because it would make us feel vulnerable. Letting someone in means taking a chance and letting go of preconceived fears that we have held on to for so long; opening up about who you are is risky, if that's not your style. It means you get to see the real person. What if it turns out that you don't like the real person. How does that person feel? But that's just it; chances need to be taken. We need to lighten up. I'm not saying we need to be the best of friends, I'm saying that we should leave the door open to friendliness

I know that it is easier said than done. I myself can be shy. I can also be outgoing when I want, but it all depends on the circumstances. It can be difficult breaking free of the shyness. There have been times when I wished that  someone would have taken the time out to try to get past the wall that I have up. It would have made me less apprehensive and put me at ease.

Reaching out only to be rejected is frustrating too. Again, it takes two to make it work. How many walls do I have to climb in order to get to know someone really?

I have another co-worker that I have known for several years. At first there was a little bumpiness in the road to becoming better co-workers, but we have gotten past that. We have never made plans to get together outside of work, but we have ended up at the same job related events. A couple of times we hung out after the events were over and just talked. Nothing was planned. To my surprise, these conversations were deep and substantial. They were totally unexpected, but welcome nevertheless. The kind of exchange that good friends are suppose to have. I walked away wondering why is it our working relationship never developed into an actual friendship. We get along, we have some of the same friends, yet we're still just co-workers. I'm actually pleased when I see him so whats the problem? Many times I've wanted to bring this issue up and have a conversation with him about this. However, for all I know, he may like things just the way they are, a work relationship. I can't help but feel that we have the potential for a real friendship, but that's me. Should I pursue the issue? Fear of rejection keeps me from saying anything, while I can only guess why his wall is up. Every time I see him I want to talk about this, but ask myself do I really want to have that discussion?

I think we need to let our guards down a little. I personally am going to try and be more outgoing and friendly and get to know people. Since I took the time to write this piece, I should live by example. It may widen my circle of friends, or not. Not everyone is open to this idea, so I have my work cut out for me. I'll revisit this and let you know how it goes.

Society As A Whole

Someone extremely close to me is unemployed right now. She has been unemployed for over a year, a year that has proven to be most difficult. I have seen her go through some ups and downs since losing her job, and pray that things turn around for her. The thing is she is already in her late fifties, with no real job skills. No one is willing to invest in somebody her age without any marketable skills. Even if she had the skills, she would probably fall into the category of being over qualified and still not get the good job she wanted; a job that could give her back her self-esteem and independence. Meanwhile the bill collectors keep calling as she falls behind on her payments. Why should they care, they have a job, they're just doing it. She has amassed a serious debt that will take a long time to get rid of, if at all. Her unemployment benefits which doesn't amount to much after taxes, are about to run out within the next few weeks. According to the government, she makes gets too much money in unemployment to qualify for assistance, like medical and food stamps. She doesn't have much of a savings to live on once the unemployment runs out. She suffers from a number of health issues and is struggling with depression. She is left wondering what now? Where is her place in the world? Somehow, despite all of this, she is supposed to have faith that everything will be just fine. She will not be given more than she can handle. That is bullshit! She has been given her fair share and more than a lot of people could handle right now.

So what does she do when her unemployment runs out? Does she have to be at her worse, hit rock bottom in order to get any kind of break? Why doesn't she qualify for services? Believe me when I say her check, after its all said and done, ain't shit! You work your whole life and for what? To walk away from a job you hated with a pittance of a check that doesn't even cover half of your rent, not to mention food, and the basic necessities of life.  

This is just one person's story. Never mind about the countless others in the same boat or worse. How many others are going through what she is going through; how many are at the end of their rope trying to hang on. At least she has a family that can offer some kind of support. What about whole families that are suffering as they endure poverty? What do they do? The only reason I am even writing this is because it hits so close to home. As people go, we have become desensitized when it comes to the fate of our fellow man. We can put our heads down or look the other way without thinking twice when a complete stranger on the train ride home announces that they are homeless and needs spare change just to get a meal. It is more of an inconvenience than anything esle. Maybe it is a shame, but what does that have to do with me. Have you taken a real hard look at some of these people? They could be a cousin or friend, or former co-worker or classmate who has fallen on hard times. If it doesn't effect us directly we look the other way. As long as I have a roof over my head and a place to stay, I am cool. As long as I can pay my bills, I am not concerned about my neighbors plight. As long as I can eat I could care less about someone starving. An oversimplification but something to think about. We're all suffering in our own way. Those of us lucky to even have a job, are living from check to check because our rents are so damn high, not to mention other bills that we carry have to be paid too.

When did we as a society become so desensitized? How did it happen? Dosen't anything matter anymore? Over the last few years we've seen natural disasters like Hurricane Katrina wreck havoc on New Orleans, an earthquake nearly destroy Haiti, as well as one that has brought Japan to its knees. This is just off the top of my head. There have been others that have occured as well. Initially, when those events happened,we were heavily saturated with media coverage. Now here we are months and in some cases years removed from these things and its as if they didn't happen. Has anyone kept up with the status of those places today? Yeah, those things happened, but as usual life goes on.  

What now? There is no immediate answer. At least I don't have answer. All you can do is rely on whatever it is you believe in order to endure. I wish I could write a happy ending. More importantly, I wish I could tell you that the person who I spoke about in the beginning of this article has seen her life change for the better, but I can't. She will have to continue to endure.  

I will not sit here and lecture, because I am no better. I'm always looking the other way when I feel that things don't directly affect me. The same thing can be said about society as a whole. If society continues to look the other way, then what? Think about it.